tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125214612971306615.post444538995727110666..comments2023-11-06T12:28:13.575-05:00Comments on A Million Monkeys: Doppelgangers and Other Monsters, by Merry MonteleoneJon VanZilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14026643422328853037noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125214612971306615.post-34410494429540672222010-02-16T10:00:29.561-05:002010-02-16T10:00:29.561-05:00Wow, I really like this! I feel like that's ho...Wow, I really like this! I feel like that's how I've started all my comments this time around, but everyone's written such impressive stories. Nice spin on her not going anywhere in the car.<br /><br />I think this would be great as a long piece. Good luck!Melanie Hooyengahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08781235493983907234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125214612971306615.post-33943633168531444742010-02-15T12:58:21.819-05:002010-02-15T12:58:21.819-05:00Hi Natasha,
So glad you liked it. I think this w...Hi Natasha,<br /><br />So glad you liked it. I think this will be my side project this month, to see where I can go with a fleshed out full short story.<br /><br />Hi Joe,<br /><br />Thanks. You know, I don't think the running itself would be so hard, it's the fact that you can't really touch anyone else in any real way without worrying about getting caught.Merry Monteleonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09435956005780500310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125214612971306615.post-35358109241880279052010-02-15T10:06:05.825-05:002010-02-15T10:06:05.825-05:00“That’s why I had to give up the heels,” he said, ...“That’s why I had to give up the heels,” he said, “ruined me for marathons, it did.”<br /><br />Great dialog. It would be hard to have to spend your time running.Joe Baronehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10275991273751678636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125214612971306615.post-13349720464494522202010-02-14T15:31:17.552-05:002010-02-14T15:31:17.552-05:00Oh, I love this, Merry! Very sad. And I liked that...Oh, I love this, Merry! Very sad. And I liked that you twisted things, and she didn't go anywhere when she stamped on the accelerator! :-)<br /><br />This pulled me in, all the way. It does feel like I want to read the "rest of the story."Spy Scribblerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14299551957327543491noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125214612971306615.post-55828762269040735012010-02-12T17:28:35.947-05:002010-02-12T17:28:35.947-05:00Hi Erica,
I'm so glad you liked the dialogue,...Hi Erica,<br /><br />I'm so glad you liked the dialogue, honestly, that's my favorite thing about writing.<br /><br />I've been working a lot on getting all of the backstory and telling out of my writing and with this one there just wasn't enough room to show everything you need to answer all of the questions. And I still haven't mastered short stories, I'm never quite happy with them.<br /><br />Hi E,<br /><br />Yay, the flirtation at the bus stop was kind of a two part thing, first, I wanted the reader to be wondering what her deal was - I didn't want you to know exactly why she was giving the wrong name until after she got off the bus, and I kind of hoped people would be wondering if it was romance and then hit with the turn. The second reason was to flesh her out a bit, I'm not sure if it came across but that little everyday flirtation that would normally lead to a first date can't lead anywhere for her, and she's mourning that but too afraid to change it.<br /><br />Normally I'd agree with you about the license, it's like a breadcrumb out there in the world. If I flesh this out to a larger story it will come into play later. The person she's hiding from already knows she's alive, and the information on the license is not going to help him find her, just confirm that she was in that area, and she plans to be gone within a few hours, so in that moment I wanted her to be in that place where she's not afraid to face the future, and doesn't need to hold on to who she was, or probably more accurate, she knows she can't ever be who she once was again.<br /><br />Hi Jude,<br /><br /><i>Love the name Bitsy. Does she have a companion named Itsy? ;)</i><br /><br />Now she does :-) I'm thinking German Shepard, sounds like her breed of dog.Merry Monteleonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09435956005780500310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125214612971306615.post-75759447865018430552010-02-12T16:29:57.347-05:002010-02-12T16:29:57.347-05:00Nice job. I agree with E. Flanigan that she wouldn...Nice job. I agree with E. Flanigan that she wouldn't just drop the old license in a trash can. I wanted to shout, "Shred that thing!" <br /><br />Love the name Bitsy. Does she have a companion named Itsy? ;)Jude Hardinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09994813046526310594noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125214612971306615.post-770298475054918062010-02-12T16:03:37.998-05:002010-02-12T16:03:37.998-05:00Merry, I really like this, too! As was already sai...Merry, I really like this, too! As was already said, you did a great job of creating a world I believed in, that felt fully formed.<br /><br />It's funny — at the part with the bus stop and the chiseled-faced guy, when I was still unsure of where you were headed, I desperately feared it was all a set-up for a romantic comedy-type of story. That would have felt like a let-down for me, would have felt like a cliche. Needless to say, it went another direction and I was relieved by the turn of events!<br /><br />My only question is, would she really throw her old I.D. in an open garbage can after making such a big deal about remaining unknown? What if someone was watching, or trailing her? I don't think this character would be so careless. And if it was intentional on your part to have her do something careless, then I'd like some foreshadowing that this may come up to bite her in the butt later on.<br /><br />Good story! :)E. Flanigannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125214612971306615.post-50372483897594385282010-02-12T14:32:36.065-05:002010-02-12T14:32:36.065-05:00Hi Merry:
This was fun, because you were the first...Hi Merry:<br />This was fun, because you were the first one to have her stamp on the accelerator--and not go anywhere, LOL! I was like Jon. I liked the writing a lot, it was a FUN read . . . I liked the dialogue (very much!). It left me with a lot of questions . . . and I think that's OK for these. It's a great little story, and it would be fun to have my questions actually answered in a longer work.Erica Orloffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16415925758466527671noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125214612971306615.post-23734053805736394672010-02-12T13:33:22.253-05:002010-02-12T13:33:22.253-05:00Hi Jon,
Thanks, I'm actually toying with the ...Hi Jon,<br /><br />Thanks, I'm actually toying with the idea of expanding it to a larger short story. It was fun working with the prompt, too, I love seeing where each writer goes from the same starting point.Merry Monteleonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09435956005780500310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125214612971306615.post-40069050539862621952010-02-12T12:08:45.222-05:002010-02-12T12:08:45.222-05:00Merry,
So I'm first ... woo hoo!
I thought ...Merry, <br /><br />So I'm first ... woo hoo!<br /><br />I thought this was very well written, and I was immediately placed in the world and knew this character. It raised tons of questions for me, which is nice ... is this Witness Protection? Sleeping with the Enemy? It felt very much like a chapter of a larger story—as if we had been dropped in midway. Good story ...Jon VanZilehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14026643422328853037noreply@blogger.com