So I've decided to make a list of all the anachronisms I need to get rid of. If I want to enter this next decade of my life as a sleek, sophisticated modern man, I have some work to do.
First, our landline must go. What kind of dodo still has a landline into their house? Sheesh. We might as well use smoke signals.
Next, our ethernet network. Yes, I installed it myself. And yes, I learned how to crimp cable and run ethernet through the whole house so we could we be wired. But the future is wireless, so goodbye homemade ethernet network (which until this moment, I was rather proud of).
CDs. What kind of dork still keeps CDs? Upload them all. Same goes for photo albums and all important documents. Scan, scan, scan.
Body hair. That's probably self-explanatory.
Cable TV. Hello? Ever heard of Hulu? Duh.
Newspapers and magazines. You know what? We'll just discontinue the mail in general as a precautionary measure.
Pencils. Seriously? Can anybody give me a good reason why these things still exist? Do they still even bubble anything in?
Cotton garments. Just because it seems like a good idea to get ahead of the curve on this one.
Friends. By which I mean actual people friends. If you're in my network, you still count.
I'll admit the food thing confuses me. I'm not sure if I get rid of all prepared foods in favor of locally grown, organic, CSA-delivered raw veggies. Or if I should get rid of all home-prepared food in favor of ready-to-warm bags of chicken chunks, flash-frozen veggies and some kind of salt-delivery system. I don't think the future is clear here.
And last but not least, all paper books. Wait. Sorry. I mean "dead tree books." Wait, wait: DTB. Good-bye DTB. I would say I'll miss you, but I also plan on ditching sentimentality in favor of my own weekly Internet podcast where I compare my political enemies to Adolf Hitler at least once a week while simultaneously declaring that only I know God's intentions.